Trust me! The worst blow you can get regarding your talent is when you are part of a congregation of people with the same talent. There are myriads of questions which plunder your mind, all making you give your talent a second thought.
What if they are better than me?
What if I stand no where in front of them?
What if I am as good as nothing?
What follows is the experience of a recent happening that took place with me and my contemplations on it –
Lately there was a two-round essay competition organised by a very prestigious national daily of India, in my city, Lucknow. The final five would be the Junior Editors of that daily for an entire day!
I participated in the contest merely out of sheer fun.The first essay had to be sent through an email. Two days later I received an email informing me about my selection for the second round. I was buoyant. It was unanticipated. Qualifying the first round made me happy and the thought of meeting hundreds of people with the same talent, happier. Little did I know that this forthcoming event would set me in a mode of profound introspection!
The second round was held in a prominent school of the city. And oh boy! Hardly did I enter the hall(in which the competition had to take place) when I thought , ” Am I even worthy of being here.” There I could see all sorts of people who had donned some of the scariest looks, which shook me to the core. I tried to judge them from their looks(sorry for being judgemental here). Some were those geeky kids with big spectacles and their nose buried deep in essay books. Some had really shabby hair like a stack of hay(Imagine the hair of a writer who has to meet a deadline in an hour but hasn’t written anything substantial yet and is fingering his/her hair to come up with ideas). Some were simply sitting mum and motionless(these people scared me the most). I didn’t want to be there any longer. Seriously! No exaggeration!
The contest started and the topic was given. The time provided was-20 minutes(only!) This is the amount of time that I spend in thinking what to write. Let alone completing a full length essay in the same time.
My pen didn’t move for the first five minutes. Seeing others write in frenzied fashion stopped the pen further. Only after the initial seven minutes having passed, did I write something(7 out of 20 minutes already elapsed!….Imagine!)
When it got over, having submitted and convinced of not getting selected, I’m went straight home.
THE WORLD NEVER CEASES TO AMAZE YOU!
Only after some time, I got a call informing me about my selection for the Junior Editorial Team. For the entire next week, the chosen children had to meet and decide on the editing of the special edition of the newspaper.
Though I was selected yet the apprehension of not being as able as others lingers on my mind. So I call it the Delirious Dilemma! Delirious because such events are assuredly delightful and dilemma because it leaves you in a fix and quandary of conflicting thoughts.
Is it not?